when out of sight, doesnt out of mind
but out of reach, might end up out of life.
it happened to alot of ppl that came into my life
i wont wish u to be one of them.
might not happen, anyone might say
but i fear......
im trying to sustain that comfort for i fear it disappear.
i do have couple of fears within me
even though i dont appear to be.
some are problem sharer
some are comforter
for you are one that provides comfort
which i keep it dear
i like the fact that your presence
make me feel bit more happier than others.
that is also the reason why
i crave for it.
yet
when i needed most
i cant get it
i turn grumpy.
many a times
i think fate is playing with me
i always ask when i needed it
but have never gotten it.
some things are just meant to be like this.
its a truth that i needed that company, badly.
but its ok, i guess i will get over it.
i do seriously feel deeply glad and loved
if my close friends suggest a meet up for coffee
or even a lunch/dinner together for a short while.
that is why, "who ask" (towards the same question) matters to me.
it just a affirmation that my presence is needed, makes a difference.
im a easily contented person.
i need not things to be grand
it's the little actions that
touches the heart
comfort the soul
and
energise the mind.
that's what really matters to me.
like others say
'it's the company that make the difference, it's the effort that walk the miles"
to be frank,
since then i've been hoping for just one question...
"come over for lunch at tpy today?"
but it never happen. never.
some times i was wondering, i dont even mind the trouble
yet cant u even ask? or u dont even bother?
i've said before..
it's ok i do the asking
but times and again i scare i pestered u by asking often.
so i refrain myself from asking
though if can i could like ask everyday.
but dont know why, everytime i ask is at the wrong timing.
that's ok too, i know u busy
but then again,
why does it always end at the reason, why u cant
and no continuation of rescheduling?
it does feel that my request means nothing to u.
u shld know i know u busy, so i wont ask as and when i feel like it.
u know, it's the need to have that company
that i will do silly things.
i'll do anything to get my comfort.
remember "trying my luck?"
doesnt it occur to u why i did that?
just because u are so hardly reachable?
u might think its stupid etc etc..
i must be crazy mad or wad...
wasting my time bla bla bla...
i had been rejected so many times that
i thought i will do my own way to get my comfort.
just a little comfort, it's so out of reach..
last time i cried to others, u said why dont approach u..
now i trying to get a little comfort..
ask for simple presence also cannot get..
even to the extend, i go and grab my comfort than it is provided to me.
it sounds really pathetic..
im not complaining, its just a thought and feelings.
now i think i understand what u told me about yr friends commented.
"u are there but u arent really there"
i thought i might be able to twist the ending a little...
seems like it's still the same...
keeping friends cant just play with words
physical presence plays a part too.
is it me? or it's just you.
and i guess u broke my tolerance of rejection records.
i am one who fear rejections and avoids confrontations.
19.12.2009 12.25pm
i woke up and i realised something,
so far, our meeting for lunches was because i had something to pass u
and thus i insisted abit to meet u.
which most chances, my wish will be granted.
it does make me wonder,
why had it unknowningly come to such extend...
is it that i had to pass u stuffs before i can meet u?
for lamby i can understand why i could hardly(guess i havent seen her for more than a yr?) see her.
her workplace is far from me.
her home is far from me too.
at the very least, she initiated a coffee session at orchard someday soon.
though i know she very lazy for meet ups
but i guess its the thoughts that counts?
and at the end of the day, i know we will have that coffee.
but u know, u're at TPY! only... not even like so far!
and i even volunteer to go down, just if u wld ask.
but u wont, never ask...
i keep asking, get rejected to a point i asked myself
:why are u so cheap, people not even wanting to meet u, why still ask, why still bother. she doesnt bother to initate and dont even bother rescheduling after rejecting. so what u want now.
so this is like... even i put in effort, do extra...
some things are just meant to be like this.
u know, i still hoping to go soup spoon with u!
u know, i treasure my close friends so much
that no meet ups are too much for me.
even to the extent that the meet ups is just because my friend wanted to buy some stuffs and want me to accompany her, i will be glad to do so.
i am a happy-tag-along buddy.
i understand the need for a person to have a friend u can hold on 24/7.
be able to find that person as and when u like
be able to call/text the person whenever u are down
just be there whenever a person needs.
that is when, whenever i offer myself (because i know im able to do all these)
i expected the person to appreciate, to treasure, to "use" me actively.
otherwise it defeat the purpose of my presence.
end of the day, u make me feel that im not a friend at all.
i do what a friend can do or even more
but i dont get what a friend can get.
so... do u actually still wants me?
have u put yrself in my shoe and feel what im feeling if it was u?
believe me, my heart can die because of these.
it's just a matter of time.
im trying hard not to have it happen.
but it takes two hands to clap.
the end day scenario will be
we only connect thru sms, maybe on off calling.
soon, we both get tired of smsing and we stop.
that's it.
coz we dont hang out, we dont meet ups.
it's just a matter of time....
do u....
actually still wants me?
or am i expecting too much??Labels: ^roro, momentous