Free Hit Counter
Free Hit Counter
我的心情起伏 - 内心世界 - 感情地带 <BGSOUND SRC="">







*Tuesday, May 18, 2010

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

uniquely special.

for someone who doesnt like doing sales and told herself that she will never get into sales job ever in her life.
by chance she came here
by choice she stayed on
by destiny that she met you.
in a way, her friend brought her in and gave that chance.
the chance to meet you, the chance to let you change her life.
how someone could impact that much in a person, it's fate.
fated that they met, fated that things going to change.

in by mistake,
stayed by decision.

the thought of having a friend to work together made her came fore to this supposedly avoided job.
1 month later, friend left.
she thought that her boss was nice.
she thought that she felt unknown comfort here.
she thought that they are short-handed and not as if she cant work.
so she decided to stay to help her nice boss.

(she's one who usually friend left, will have the urge to leave together because she felt uncomfortable. however, she, unknowingly found some special comfort here and she's glad she found.)

she understand how depressing it is when people comes and go
she understand how it feels to stand alone fighting
she understand how one need support in tough times
so she cant bear to leave her boss in lurch, she stayed.

time goes by,
path is shown that her decision was right.
she gained a nice boss, a nice friend that she knows she will remember and cherish for life.

days are wonderful, sweet and memorable.
she admires her, adore her, respect her, look up to her.
she wants to provide more than just what a colleague does.
A friend.
she knows she will be hurt, knowing and unknowingly.
given the different character each had.
however, in order to let this unique friend went pass just like that,
she go against the odds to avoid any regrets in future.

(she, never wants to leave her life with regrets which up till now, hasnt got any, what more this time)

true enough,
she got hurt every now and then due to her sensitiveness.
she cried every now and then due to other's insensitiveness.
she knew she had to go through this because she chose it.
she had no one to blame.

she doesnt like other's to really know what she's feeling.
she wants to show others the way other wish to see
she wants to speak the way other wish to hear.
she always feel that other's happiness is more important than hers
especially of people she deem importance.

she can cry like a baby like nobody's business
the next moment she can be as nice as though nothing had happen.
just for the fear of losing what's important the moment she shown her trueself.

she knows that moment of anger can cause moment of folly.
therefore she always project the good and swallow the bad.


slowly,
the comfort she was depending on, moved on.
she was devastated.
she thought, what was the point of staying anymore?
she lost what was important to her sight.

time proven, surprisingly,
what was important to sight,
was important to mind as well.

she continued to work hard.
she knew her comfort was just nearby,
as long as she worked hard
comfort is within reach.
most important is, as long as she is here, her comfort will come back.

Lord grant wishes for people who want it bad enough.
it almost felt as though miracles do exist.
from a distance till comfort within reach.
even though it's not exactly of reach but Lord is kind.
she thought to herself, she should be contented.
Lord though did not grant the way she wants it to but He tried his best.

no one see the shine she had on her face.
no one see how overjoyed she was
no one see how grateful she felt
when she persevered and she was given what she wanted.

she was glad she still can be nice to her friend.
she was glad she still can be there for her friend.
she was glad she still lingers around her friend.
she was... still is... very very glad and appreciative.

(she is a very clingy friend. she wants to stick to with her friend and she doesnt just stick to anyone except someone close to heart.)

so clingy,
she was afraid that her friend will be annoyed.
she was afraid that her friend will not be happy.
she was afraid that her friend will find her irritating/pestering.

sensitive, uncertainty, worries, fears
at times she had so much of those,
she never do what she wanted to
she never say what she wanted to
just afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

foundation isnt build from stretch,
she had her fears and worries.
she hate rejections as well.
it crippled her. it builds a wall for her to not move forward.
so she, rather not do, not say a single thing.
and because it hurts to get rejections in not the way she could take it.

she treasures those safe keep friendship she build.
she wants to feel something from her friends.
she wants a place in their heart, not just lingering outside.
she matters quality way more than quantity.


days as per normal.
she continued to work hard,
to stay within this compound.
to continue to have her comfort,
have her friend.

however, she did wonder.
if her friend is no longer within this compound,
what will she do.
does she still have a purpose to stay here?
does it still matters if she stay here?
is it still important to her anymore?

to see the sight of her friend leaving,
she thought...
might as well she leave first.
perhaps it will be less heartwrenching.
because... she knows she wont be able to take it... and to continue to work as per normal.

she is very thankful because of her friend, she found this kind of unexplainable comfort.
this kind of satisfactions at work, she never thought she would have.
just because of one person, it brings her to another kind of heaven, to a staircase of hopes and dream fulfiling moments.

her friend might not know what exactly she had done to her.
but whatever she had done cant be seen, it got to be felt and understand.
that is why, she is an angel to her. she can be seen as a light of hope in her life.

she believe, when the time her friend leave her side, it's when she has to be or already trained to be independent. things happen for a reason and she always believe whoever she is close with or she likes, have a purpose or responsiblity to guide her in her life. some are just passby advisers, some are lifetime advisers. which do you wish to be?

friends are your teacher in life.
knowing her friend, builds her character, builds her mind, her heart.
that is why no matter what happens, she will be there for her.
no matter what happens.....

she gains a teacher, motivator, friend.
her friend gains a true blue loyal friend.

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 1:02 AM. 0 comments

*Sunday, May 02, 2010

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

i dreamt of u

2/5 morning.

i saw you and i didnt bother and walk past.
me and another friend went around walking and i saw you and yr TMs went into a restaurant but i think you guys didnt quite like it and walked out shortly.
however, the moment i saw u, i turned and walk away quickly.
walked... there's a door infront and i pulled it, got a shock, you are just behind it.
you said Hi but i was so shy and just smiled.
suddenly out of nowhere, you gave me a paper bag and you said its for me.. and you left shortly.
opened it up, it was a baby-liked tatty bear. it's very cute though.
afterwhich i woke up.

the moment when i woke up, i didnt felt happy over the present.
instead i felt that tinge of sour-ness.
it came right after i saw you guys walking in, into the restaurant.

it didnt feel good at all this time round.
my dreams of you usually turn into a sweet n pleasant one.
not this time round. hmph!
sour sour. still sour. roars!!!! it's stupid to feel this way, BUT ITS STILL SOUR!

Labels: , ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 1:00 AM. 0 comments

*Saturday, December 26, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

its me..

who knows the sorrow behind that smile
who knows the sadness behind that laughter

it got alot more unbearable when distance played a part.

how can i say out truthfully what im feeling
when i know it will be a joke to others
and i might just be deem crazy, insane to them.
who really knows what im feeling deep down?

it hurts so badly every night
how i wish, how i wish...
this always come to my mind.

it's all about me
acting weirdly
feeling strangely
behaving abnormally
my emotions are getting the better of me.

it's so much...that i can hardly comprehend.

-----

bet i dont even know what i am feeling.
i have a need to love someone
that is a fact.
i seriously dont know if the chosen one
is considered lucky or otherwise.
it can be quite tiring or ________ to be love by me.

i dont wish for love in return,
that's too much to ask for...
all i expected in just a close friendship
which is significantly important to both parties
that's placed deep at the bottom of the heart.

a typical cancerian
wish to be constantly feel
loved, appreciated, needed, cared for etc
from the chosen one at the period of time.
because is for the chosen one,
it's ok for them not to feel all these and yet still be treated nicely by
but it will be rather miserable for that cancerian.

sometimes, i wonder,
is this called falling in love?
sometimes, i wonder,
do i just enjoy being in this game?

----

i have the tendency of stop contacting
those i stopped liking
for that, i fear one day..
this might happen again.
which i seriously, extremely do not wish to
for this time round.
and because i treasured it so much...
the more fear it's accumulating within me.

im very sorry if a day
i said weird things
ask weird questions
behave weirdly
it's the fear that crippled me.
so please, forgive me.

i want to be honest with my feelings
disregard if it turns you off or it will make you keep away from me.
"i like u so much...from then till now..., the feeling never changed. it get deeper so does the fear get stronger."
how contradicting, when my fear firstly was because of keeping u, now become fear of losing u.
i know this feeling will goes as time pass..
it's just a temporary thing.
but i just want to seize the moment and do things within my means to repay my feelings.
because i know this is once in a lifetime thing, i dont wish to regret at the end of the day for things i could have done but did not. i rather regret for things i had done for at least i done it and if i got shut off too badly, i resign to fate.
at the very least, im honest to myself.
i believed im not forcing anything on you, i just decide the degree of nice i want to provide.
that is why i text you before regarding of my degree of nice etc... and i also fear that my nice bothers you or even make you guilty to be nice to me. the latter will be the last i want it to happen.

after you read this, i thought you might be thinking that this person is mad.
she's like so obsess in you, like you so much. scary, better keep away from her.
since i decided to pen this down, i have got all the mental preparation.
if i dont break this barrier, i guess i will have hard time toning my emotions.
if we are still friends after this, good. it had gotten up another level where i guess, i will feel much more stable and normal. it's just like lifting the stone from the heart and untie the knot in the heart.
this had to be written and perhaps be read.



and like what i used to say
"when u have it, there's pain
when u dont have it, there's no pain"

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:57 AM. 0 comments

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

如此的。。。。。。。。喜欢

在这雨季的天气里
我的情感,思绪是如此的容易被动摇

我回想当初,我为何会掉入这段匪夷所思的情网里。
直到如今一切已无法回头,情感也无发自拔了。

是我的错吗?
是我把情感的位子放错了吗?
还是我的观点也出了问题?

一切一切微妙的虚幻
一个如此完美的梦幻
使我只能坐在一旁轻叹。

为何我会如此的喜欢她?
我有病吗?
可能真的有神经病!

一场梦
一场我不想了断的梦
但梦终究是会醒的啊!



我就是如此的喜欢你啊
我还能这样吗
为何你要如此的令人喜欢呢
咳!

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:46 AM. 0 comments

*Sunday, December 20, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

where art thou

when out of sight, doesnt out of mind
but out of reach, might end up out of life.

it happened to alot of ppl that came into my life
i wont wish u to be one of them.
might not happen, anyone might say
but i fear......
im trying to sustain that comfort for i fear it disappear.

i do have couple of fears within me
even though i dont appear to be.

some are problem sharer
some are comforter
for you are one that provides comfort
which i keep it dear

i like the fact that your presence
make me feel bit more happier than others.
that is also the reason why
i crave for it.
yet
when i needed most
i cant get it
i turn grumpy.

many a times
i think fate is playing with me
i always ask when i needed it
but have never gotten it.

some things are just meant to be like this.

its a truth that i needed that company, badly.
but its ok, i guess i will get over it.

i do seriously feel deeply glad and loved
if my close friends suggest a meet up for coffee
or even a lunch/dinner together for a short while.

that is why, "who ask" (towards the same question) matters to me.
it just a affirmation that my presence is needed, makes a difference.

im a easily contented person.
i need not things to be grand
it's the little actions that
touches the heart
comfort the soul
and
energise the mind.
that's what really matters to me.

like others say
'it's the company that make the difference, it's the effort that walk the miles"

to be frank,
since then i've been hoping for just one question...
"come over for lunch at tpy today?"
but it never happen. never.
some times i was wondering, i dont even mind the trouble
yet cant u even ask? or u dont even bother?

i've said before..
it's ok i do the asking
but times and again i scare i pestered u by asking often.
so i refrain myself from asking
though if can i could like ask everyday.
but dont know why, everytime i ask is at the wrong timing.

that's ok too, i know u busy
but then again,
why does it always end at the reason, why u cant
and no continuation of rescheduling?
it does feel that my request means nothing to u.
u shld know i know u busy, so i wont ask as and when i feel like it.

u know, it's the need to have that company
that i will do silly things.
i'll do anything to get my comfort.
remember "trying my luck?"
doesnt it occur to u why i did that?
just because u are so hardly reachable?
u might think its stupid etc etc..
i must be crazy mad or wad...
wasting my time bla bla bla...
i had been rejected so many times that
i thought i will do my own way to get my comfort.

just a little comfort, it's so out of reach..
last time i cried to others, u said why dont approach u..
now i trying to get a little comfort..
ask for simple presence also cannot get..
even to the extend, i go and grab my comfort than it is provided to me.

it sounds really pathetic..
im not complaining, its just a thought and feelings.
now i think i understand what u told me about yr friends commented.
"u are there but u arent really there"
i thought i might be able to twist the ending a little...
seems like it's still the same...

keeping friends cant just play with words
physical presence plays a part too.




is it me? or it's just you.

and i guess u broke my tolerance of rejection records.
i am one who fear rejections and avoids confrontations.


19.12.2009 12.25pm
i woke up and i realised something,
so far, our meeting for lunches was because i had something to pass u
and thus i insisted abit to meet u.
which most chances, my wish will be granted.

it does make me wonder,
why had it unknowningly come to such extend...
is it that i had to pass u stuffs before i can meet u?

for lamby i can understand why i could hardly(guess i havent seen her for more than a yr?) see her.
her workplace is far from me.
her home is far from me too.
at the very least, she initiated a coffee session at orchard someday soon.
though i know she very lazy for meet ups
but i guess its the thoughts that counts?
and at the end of the day, i know we will have that coffee.

but u know, u're at TPY! only... not even like so far!
and i even volunteer to go down, just if u wld ask.
but u wont, never ask...
i keep asking, get rejected to a point i asked myself
:why are u so cheap, people not even wanting to meet u, why still ask, why still bother. she doesnt bother to initate and dont even bother rescheduling after rejecting. so what u want now.
so this is like... even i put in effort, do extra...

some things are just meant to be like this.

u know, i still hoping to go soup spoon with u!
u know, i treasure my close friends so much
that no meet ups are too much for me.
even to the extent that the meet ups is just because my friend wanted to buy some stuffs and want me to accompany her, i will be glad to do so.
i am a happy-tag-along buddy.

i understand the need for a person to have a friend u can hold on 24/7.
be able to find that person as and when u like
be able to call/text the person whenever u are down
just be there whenever a person needs.
that is when, whenever i offer myself (because i know im able to do all these)
i expected the person to appreciate, to treasure, to "use" me actively.
otherwise it defeat the purpose of my presence.

end of the day, u make me feel that im not a friend at all.
i do what a friend can do or even more
but i dont get what a friend can get.
so... do u actually still wants me?

have u put yrself in my shoe and feel what im feeling if it was u?
believe me, my heart can die because of these.
it's just a matter of time.
im trying hard not to have it happen.
but it takes two hands to clap.

the end day scenario will be
we only connect thru sms, maybe on off calling.
soon, we both get tired of smsing and we stop.
that's it.
coz we dont hang out, we dont meet ups.
it's just a matter of time....

do u....
actually still wants me?

or am i expecting too much??

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:45 AM. 0 comments

*Friday, December 18, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

differences

some times its not about what im willing to do
(my effort is nv less if i want to)
but about what the other end willing to do.

i could have done so much so much....
but if the opposite end isnt responding or helping
no matter how much i have done, it's still pointless...

and it just make me feel......
freaking upset... and left feeling... unappreciated, insignificant.

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:41 AM. 0 comments

*Monday, October 19, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

hmmm

sometimes it's hard to feel the importance of my existence.
ppl who are insecure need quite a bit more affirmation than others.
but its ok. it doesnt come easy from u.
i believed, tried to believe the degree is what i am expecting.
hoping it's not a self-denial illusion.

extra mile for that bit of comfort, for that precious smile, i wld.
i could always, or try my best to, make u smile. =)

even when times change,
my feeling remains the same.

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:32 AM. 0 comments

*Sunday, October 04, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

like u...

why do i like u so much?
why do i have my feelings all flutter?
why do i give u the power to affect me?

why am i getting all affected every now and then?
why am i bothering so much?
why am i feeling so much of mixed emotions?

so many whys
then come so many whats
then follow by so many hows??

sigh...

it's so... hard to explain in words.

if i still dont get rid of all those emotions set in me
im gonna drown so soon...
feeliog suffocated again.

why do i like u so much?
what i should do to not feel anything?
how to stay saint?

GOSH!

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:18 AM. 0 comments

*Friday, September 25, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

Happy Birthday RoRo


flowers for her bday! =)
cost: $80odds

swarovski crystal bear: $160
rainbow pen: $68

money is nothing when it comes to her,
as long as it makes her happy,
im glad. :)

Labels: , ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 11:56 PM. 0 comments

*Friday, August 14, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

you

come to think of it, it might had been a little too drama at times when i say my words, especially times when i am emo.
however it's during my emo days, u see or hear the most honest words especially when i blabber all the heartfelt words out.
it's only when ppl i truly bothers involve then they got the worse of the emoS.
u might think i just emo any one of them but no, i dont. i emo them but i dont emo ABT them.
it's only when things involve me and the person i care therefore i emo.
im not a freak, i dont emo for no reason (might seems yes to others) of my own.

it is especially you hide yourself rather well, it's hard to guess/feel your thoughts right.
which all the more, for a person like me, feels frustrated when i cant read.
reading of a person actions or mind makes me feel a little secure because i hate uncertainty.
it got me fluttered. paranoid, yes i am. your thoughts matter to me, yes it does!

you might not show to me my importance as much as i want it to but im sure im of certain importance by now. the thing im most certain of myself would be, am i a friend to the person whom i want befriend with.
you may think i think too highly of myself, it's ok. tell me that im wrong then.

you always made me think that i have never done enough to prove a friend,
i dont know why is it that way. Or perhaps that's your way of insecurities of a person.
maybe i read too deep into it but you cant blame me. im sensitive.
im an extreme person you know.
so whatever my personalities are, they are on the extreme end.
at the end of the day i always hear myself asking:" havent i done enough? why is she still like have doubts abt me? why is she saying this? why is she saying that? "
but i believe i've overcome all this, dont i? i survive through it right?
i understand your "trust" theory. so most times i kept quiet unless u come at the emo times. haha.

i always wanted to say these to you face to face, dont dare and dont know if im right.
later say something wrong you angry. haha.
however my own feelings and thoughts shldnt have right or wrong, isnt it?

maybe along the years you been through so much that you build up your sarcasm or perhaps it's inborn.
to me, it feels that your sarcasm is to protect yourself from getting "eaten" by others because if you let down your protection you might be very easy taken advantage of and perhaps to screen your friends made, something like to see who stands strong enough to "handle" you.

as for your trust theory, this one confirm got bitten many times that's why you ended up "dont trust easily but lose trust easily"
you always give people the benefit of doubt and i believe if the person never do anything funny and be honest with you, the trust will build but a very slow pace. i also feel that a person dont need that much of trust from you in order to make you feel hurt with what they did.
sounded weird but your trust is like a sacred thing.

i wanted to state opinions about you but type halfway like typing abt myself.
so i choose not to type already. haha.

that time my status was similar character, different personality.
i was saying the both of us.
when i do a thought abt it, we have exactly opp personality. DIRECT OPP k!
but we have similar nice character la. hehe.. we are both nice people right!


but you know you know, amidst all, i treasure you like finding gold at the other end of the rainbow.
time will tell, time will tell...
finally it justified the fear when i emailed you was redundant.
but you cant blame me, im a scary cat. scare pain you know.
even though now you gotta leave also pain but at least i found a friend.

just hope time will heal now.
almost everything will remind me of you. EVERYTHING! like wtf?
when there's no feelings, no attachment, there's no pain. but have HOW?
haha suddenly i remembered i used to write,
"when you have it, you have pain, when you dont have it, there's no pain"
and you replied me :" no pain no gain "
now i gained something, here comes the pain hor? damn! haha.


i dont care where you are and what you are doing.
we gonna have soup spoon someday..
and
if you want go shopping better ask me along! I WANT GO!!!!
just remember if u need company, apart from lunch time, anywhere anytime!
i'll be more than willingly glad to accompany u if u want go out after work hours. =p

no matter what mood you are having, reply at least once of my sms to keep my updated if i text you la. but if you bad mood can text me also. =p gladly entertain. yr sms, as always, always welcome.
not around anymore cannot see your mood. dont, dont reply my sms k.
i'll get worried one. =)

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 9:56 PM. 0 comments

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

pain is inevitable

this is probably one of the better times to reflect.

"when feelings are involved, pain is inevitable"

been through a couple of jobs whilst my 5yrs long down period.
i've made a plenty of acquaintances, never a friend.
during that period of times, my new found friends are all from the internet. just a handful of them.
they are friends i will keep and i will still contact them once a while for meet-ups.
definitely of the similar frequency and share my thoughts.

until 17/10/2008. i put a stop to my closure.
i decided for a final break through after closing up for so long.
among all acquaintances, my heart pointed to A. he is a friend for keep, for sure.
then R appeared. afterwhich more and more random people started appearing in my life.
a few of nonsenses ppl
a few of trouble makers
a few of demanding ppl
a few of seemingly close ppl
a few of childish ppl
and of coz
a few of nice and treasurable ppl.

my heart pointer had never fail to help me pick my friends.
it know who to be nice to and who to have feelings for.
it usually will feel for those appreciative people and automatically i'll be nice to them.
sometimes i really feel that my heart can see thru a person than my eyes.
it usually brings me to what i like and bring me my joys.

actually all thanks to P, that she brought me in here.
of all places i had been, i've nv met people that i wish to keep so badly.
this is the first place of all.
im not a greedy person and im a very selective person.
of all the many, ppl i will keep max is 2 from a place or none.
count yourself lucky if u're one of them.

and when it's well-screened and pick, i have feelings for them.
love needs feelings, so does friendship.
when feelings involve, it touches the heart
when heart is involve, detachment is hard.
when detachment is hard, pain is inevitable.

Labels: , ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 8:58 PM. 0 comments

*Saturday, August 08, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

friends

Most of the times people dont appear what they are really like.
they dont want to show yet want people to understand.
we dont wear x-ray specs or have x-ray eyes
so how can we see through a person with our tiny eyes?

but if you always keep things to yourself
and thinks that people need not know or would not even understand
even how nice a person is
will get worn out guessing and wondering (with care and much concern)

and start wondering,
am i a friend, to you?

real friends are there
to shoulder your cries
to lend a listening ear
to provide a shelter
to share their wings when u have trouble flying
to act as a pillar to lean on.

there are times a person just need someone to listen
there are times a person just need someone to speak
sometimes, a slient companion is only needed.
just the presence of a right person even in silent, makes a great different.
(some friends just wish to be there, be it in what position)

real friends
yearn and appreciate each other's presence
bring happiness
doube the joys
overlook all faults
erase sorrows
complete a person

if your friends arent doing or not able to do the above,
what are they worthy enough to be called friends?

---

grumbling is a normal thing to do.
it might not change anything or help in any ways logically
but it does find a relief for a heart that need emotional release.
it's a NEED. to let out the heart in order to move on.

it's like balloon. the harder you blow, the bigger it gets and soon it burst.
so.. dont keep blowing into it but release some air out..
the balloon feels better, so does your heart.

---

i dont say, doesnt mean i dont care
i dont ask, doesnt mean i dont want to know.
in my own beliefs, i prefer to use my own ways to make the person feels happier than to probe and start to dwell on it together. i want the person to be happy and comfortable in my presence.
dont ask, dont say doesnt mean i dont want you to share that piece of informations with me.
sharing could also reflect on the level of trust you have in that person.
bottomline is, bits of it might just do fine than nothing said at all. (coming from a thought of a friend, i believe majority of friends will feel the same, because real friend cares)

---

i think as a friend i have nothing much to pick on
except for some demanding and lots of emo-ing.
im so lazy that alot of times i just ask people to do things for me
and got them irritated and angry over that. HAHA!

it's quite an unbelievable task for me to not probe
people who knows me long enough should know.
they would think i've probably died long ago due to excessive wonderings, guessings and emo-ing.
usually if i want to know something, i'll make sure i know.
especially when i love listen to stories, problems etc etc.

now i know how it is like to be a silent comforter.
not an easy job. but im happily tired though. =)


but just for one person.
the rest i'll continue to probe! muhahaha!
realise one common thing, we probe but we dont share. hohoho!
selfish people. lol!!

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:52 AM. 0 comments

*Friday, August 07, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

quotes

found this on the friendship quotes application
and it caught me thinking.

Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves. - Albert Camus

Friendship without self interest is one of the rare and beautiful things in life. - James Francis Byrnes

False friends aren't always that bad because it shows you about yourself and teaches you to be strong and life goes on. - Josh Wojo

I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing. - Katherine Mansfield

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - Martin Luther King, Jr

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. - Arnold H. Glasow

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words. - Rachel Naomi Remen

Friends are like pillars on your porch. Sometimes they hold you up and sometimes they lean on you. - Sharon Foltz

Good friends are like stars... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. - Unknown Author

My wish upon this shooting star is that your heart be happy. - Gilbert

A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else. - Len Wein

Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure. - Anonymous

True friendship needs no words... - Dag Hammarskjold

A best friend is like a four leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have. - Unknown Author

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! - Doug Larson

The finest kind of friendship is between two people who expect a great deal of each other, but never ask it. - Syvia Bremer

Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends. - Henry Brooks Adams

Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Too late we learn, a man must hold his friend Unjudged, accepted, trusted to the end. - John Boyle O'Reilly

Labels: , ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 9:25 PM. 0 comments

*Monday, August 03, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

frustrations. dont read if u dont know me.

im starting to feel what being told had slowly fall into places and placed right infront of me.

"u will be revolving around numbers, calculating, money"

since young i always felt money dont bring me happiness, so do i now.
to me, what's the point of having so much money when what you want deep down will never be satisfy?
what's the point of having so much money, end of the day you are still alone, feeling empty, never happy, always lonely.

i always wanted good life. Good as in quality life with people close to my heart to be around me and just having enough to provide and survive.
i want simple happiness, simple bliss...

seriously speaking,
this work really test my tolerance, determination, perseverance.
there are times i really wish to fuck care everything and just leave.
i dont care if im not going to get a better pay job after this but at least it's not mentally draining.
i hate the way how it torture my brains, my emotions. I SIMPLY HATE IT!!!

what the fucking shit is consistency!
im not one with it! NOT ONE! NEVER ONE!
as much as i love rules and regulations, i love breaking it.
BUT none of them i can break here!
so im trapped in the shit of consistency in the rules n regulations!

oh not forgetting CONSISTENCY of feeling mentally drained, CONSISTENCY of repeating emotional cycles, CONSISTENCY of not having the energy to meet friends n chill...
stop telling me to stop thinking and you can start enjoying or to ask me give myself a break and relax. after the whole damn relaxation, you fucking get back to the same old crap!

im someone who LOVES to shrink responsibilities whenever i meet them
BUT, no way for here! so... i feel trapped AGAIN!

im someone who LOVES to talk talk talk crap crap crap joke joke joke and work together
BUT, no way here! there's limitations, restrictions and please kill those gossipers, CNN reporters, troublemakers and whats not. best if they get run down by cars or hit by flower pots etc. SHIT THEM! so... TRAPPED AGAIN!

SCREWED the TT and CV that had to be monitored!
cover here cover there. time all spent covering shitholes, does it mean we doesnt need to work?
want this want there yet demand so many things.
whole loads of crappy stuffs.

YA,YA! that's life. everyone says it the same.
"We all experiencing the same thing"
"You are sian, so do it"
"That's work, That's life"
FUCK YOU! i know! Cant you see im just grumbling?

everything is just grumbles.
OH, maybe it's just another emo emo days.. or PMS..
just needed a place to vent frustrations. Nowhere else to.. So here you goes, nottie.


sometimes a person just need to vent out what's on their mind and that crushing emotions but people will never understand how to handle it well.
sometimes responses are not needed. all you need to do is just listen or some CONSTRUCTIVE advices are welcome.
JUST DONT "TRY TO BE NICE" WHEN PEOPLE DONT NEED THAT kind of unconstructive responses.
that's why i always believe when you are down, just be alone or find one or two close friends whom you know will response the way you want it to, will be the best deal.

good friends.. dont need more.
a couple will do.
at times, blogging will do just fine too.

sigh.. keep to yourself is better.


FUCKING PIECE FULL OF SHIT!


i wish..
i wish..
if leaving can be as easy as ABC.

Labels: , ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 9:58 PM. 0 comments

*Thursday, July 30, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

love you just the way you are

Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care


I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.


I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.


I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.





love you just the way you are.... =)
dedicated for... you-know-who!

Labels: , ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 10:43 PM. 0 comments

*Thursday, July 16, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

Will You Be There?

will u be there?

when i need a friend
when i need a silent companion
when i need a listening ear

when i need you


will... you be there?

just like the way
i'll be there for you?
(provided you needed me or willing to share with me, i'll sure be there)

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 9:17 PM. 0 comments

*Wednesday, July 15, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

Days thoughts

so fast it's been 8 going to 9mths im there.

if you were to ask if i've been through alot, i would probably say nothing much.
afterall it's just purely work. a standard routine that everyone has to live with.
oh..
definitely i've learn how to better sweet talk others and strengthen my old beliefs as times goes by. there's also some traits which actually got worsen.
my tempers get shorter
my patient get lesser
my tolerance get lower
my criticality get higher
suddenly i feel lousier and more loser than ever.
i really think i'll lose myself in time to come. it's like wearing a mask everyday. im getting tired.

---

liked knew u for almost 6mths.
frm the day it started till now, everyday is just like confirming the assumed facts i had of you when u created an impression. you are the most uncertain person i ever met or maybe i just still doesnt have enough faith on humans to start with.

im the least adventurous person.
i prefer to stay in a comfort zone with mostly already known facts.
im not one who changes my beliefs easily.
you broke some of my rules, created an exception.

to have a person with such low faith etc to have a solo venture on smth new, at the start was really painstaking. imagine for a person like me to handle all kinds of wry wits and sarcasms, seriously, i dont know how i manage to pull it through. never me to be able to handle such. im surprised myself.
im sensitive
im emo
im easily hurt
im fear-full
im selective
and to trying to know you, it almost like digging my own grave. it might sound abit too extreme but it varies on individual character.
how to describe that feeling at that moment?
FEAR, uncertainty, worry, lost, scare.. lots more.

most importantly, the way u always "seems close" to people which actually instill some or shld say alot of fear in me. i've never know you before here. i dont know what u're like. i've no idea wads the real you, fake you, trying to be nice you. my main concern of fear is, i might just be one of those "seems close" people you are talking to which i DEFINITELY dont want to be! usually when i have a certain load of fear, i'll retreat and for you, i feel the fear and do it anyway though at the back of my heart, fear is still there. i've already tried to surpress all the fears i had then and now.

but yes of coz, i already treated you like a close friend of mine since then. it had always been until now even though i might have say or msg you some weird things that might be a little offensive to you. im very sorry about that. i really have bad handling of emotions. hope you dont take it to heart. most times i dont mean it. i've lots of different catagories of friends, buddy, close friends, good friends, smoking buddy, lunch buddy etc etc... to be named close friend and exception that means you're of some importance, not for fun.

what can i say.. sometimes i talk big is becoz i want to cover up my fear, uncertainty, worries etc.. but believe me when i say, im true.. sincere..
the appreciation in the email part is still vaild...

---

going to work is like friends making sessions to me.
it just let me understand different kind of humans more.
understanding people at the snap of my fingertips is just wad i love to do.
however im getting tired of doing so.
it wears me out, tear me down.
sigh. really really... wanna close up...
stop believing, stop trusting, no hoping, no wishing, quit thinking, quit listening.

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 10:48 PM. 0 comments

*Friday, July 10, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

My Heart

im having an almost peaceful life now.

i just need to get some things done as soon as possible.

i hate to have unecessary ppl in my life and creating nonsense.
im gonna get rid of them.

my world is small..
so small that it can only accomodate that Many people

i have a pee-brain
so tiny that it can only think for Some people

i dont have a spacious heart
so cramp that it can only care for Certain people

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 9:41 PM. 0 comments

*Monday, July 06, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

Thoughts Full

full of thoughts
full of wonders
full of questions

who to say to
who will listen
who will be there?


oh.. my emo times again?
who noes.


i need a silent companion.
are u?


im tired. really.
sick n tired.
i think...
its really time....

to..

stop socialising.


i only need the chosen ones
the rest..
pls stay clear from me.

Labels: ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 10:50 PM. 0 comments

*Saturday, July 04, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

Most Memorable Bday!

i can say ever since 12 yrs old i had never really celebrated my bday. if i remembered correctly, no more cakes from then on.
birthday had become just an excuse to eat so-called better food.

during secondary schools days, most of the times will be just going out to eat and receive presents from fellow classmates, schoolmates. like i said, no more cakes.

i think cakes had become not that necessary anymore unless u're celebrating it at home or having a chalet outside and cakes just make them more significant.

this year.. the day before my bday, i was just thinking of buying a cake on the bday itself after lunch to have it with my colleagues. i do not know why but i sudden have the craving to eat cake during my bday. However, i forgotten abt it.

then i got my surprise coming in.
a delivery man with a small bouquet of flowers in a stuffed dog container + a box of white and strawberry coated heart-shaped cake!!! and a hamper of chocolates.

im surprised, yes
im touched, yes
im delighted, yes
im loved, YES!

it's so just like a wish come true. what u want, u have it.

we had dinner.
time flies but i truly enjoyed her company, really, extremely!
i wish for her to feel comfortable, happy, loved with my company too.

the whole day itself i was contemplating to ask her to text me a Happy Birthday msg so that i could keep for memory sake but i hesitated and chose not to.
but after we parted, she texted me and part of the conversation there's Happy B'day once again.

there again, another wish come true.

whatever i wish to say
it's more than words.
i dont care if i got in return is more or less than i had given. that's not important.
i just want to keep the best, i could give, for her.

just be yourself and enjoy my company.
that's all i ask for.

you're like an angel.
u made my days with u like a fairytale.
thank you from the deepest of my heart that you came into my life.

Labels: , ,

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 10:33 PM. 0 comments