come to think of it, it might had been a little too drama at times when i say my words, especially times when i am emo.
however it's during my emo days, u see or hear the most honest words especially when i blabber all the heartfelt words out.
it's only when ppl i truly bothers involve then they got the worse of the emoS.
u might think i just emo any one of them but no, i dont. i emo them but i dont emo ABT them.
it's only when things involve me and the person i care therefore i emo.
im not a freak, i dont emo for no reason (might seems yes to others) of my own.
it is especially you hide yourself rather well, it's hard to guess/feel your thoughts right.
which all the more, for a person like me, feels frustrated when i cant read.
reading of a person actions or mind makes me feel a little secure because i hate uncertainty.
it got me fluttered. paranoid, yes i am. your thoughts matter to me, yes it does!
you might not show to me my importance as much as i want it to but im sure im of certain importance by now. the thing im most certain of myself would be, am i a friend to the person whom i want befriend with.
you may think i think too highly of myself, it's ok. tell me that im wrong then.
you always made me think that i have never done enough to prove a friend,
i dont know why is it that way. Or perhaps that's your way of insecurities of a person.
maybe i read too deep into it but you cant blame me. im sensitive.
im an extreme person you know.
so whatever my personalities are, they are on the extreme end.
at the end of the day i always hear myself asking:" havent i done enough? why is she still like have doubts abt me? why is she saying this? why is she saying that? "
but i believe i've overcome all this, dont i? i survive through it right?
i understand your "trust" theory. so most times i kept quiet unless u come at the emo times. haha.
i always wanted to say these to you face to face, dont dare and dont know if im right.
later say something wrong you angry. haha.
however my own feelings and thoughts shldnt have right or wrong, isnt it?
maybe along the years you been through so much that you build up your sarcasm or perhaps it's inborn.
to me, it feels that your sarcasm is to protect yourself from getting "eaten" by others because if you let down your protection you might be very easy taken advantage of and perhaps to screen your friends made, something like to see who stands strong enough to "handle" you.
as for your trust theory, this one confirm got bitten many times that's why you ended up "dont trust easily but lose trust easily"
you always give people the benefit of doubt and i believe if the person never do anything funny and be honest with you, the trust will build but a very slow pace. i also feel that a person dont need that much of trust from you in order to make you feel hurt with what they did.
sounded weird but your trust is like a sacred thing.
i wanted to state opinions about you but type halfway like typing abt myself.
so i choose not to type already. haha.
that time my status was similar character, different personality.
i was saying the both of us.
when i do a thought abt it, we have exactly opp personality. DIRECT OPP k!
but we have similar nice character la. hehe.. we are both nice people right!
but you know you know, amidst all, i treasure you like finding gold at the other end of the rainbow.
time will tell, time will tell...
finally it justified the fear when i emailed you was redundant.
but you cant blame me, im a scary cat. scare pain you know.
even though now you gotta leave also pain but at least i found a friend.
just hope time will heal now.
almost everything will remind me of you. EVERYTHING! like wtf?
when there's no feelings, no attachment, there's no pain. but have HOW?
haha suddenly i remembered i used to write,
"when you have it, you have pain, when you dont have it, there's no pain"
and you replied me :" no pain no gain "
now i gained something, here comes the pain hor? damn! haha.
i dont care where you are and what you are doing.
we gonna have soup spoon someday..
and
if you want go shopping better ask me along! I WANT GO!!!!
just remember if u need company, apart from lunch time, anywhere anytime!
i'll be more than willingly glad to accompany u if u want go out after work hours. =p
no matter what mood you are having, reply at least once of my sms to keep my updated if i text you la. but if you bad mood can text me also. =p gladly entertain. yr sms, as always, always welcome.
not around anymore cannot see your mood. dont, dont reply my sms k.
i'll get worried one. =)