who knows the sorrow behind that smile
who knows the sadness behind that laughter
it got alot more unbearable when distance played a part.
how can i say out truthfully what im feeling
when i know it will be a joke to others
and i might just be deem crazy, insane to them.
who really knows what im feeling deep down?
it hurts so badly every night
how i wish, how i wish...
this always come to my mind.
it's all about me
acting weirdly
feeling strangely
behaving abnormally
my emotions are getting the better of me.
it's so much...that i can hardly comprehend.
-----
bet i dont even know what i am feeling.
i have a need to love someone
that is a fact.
i seriously dont know if the chosen one
is considered lucky or otherwise.
it can be quite tiring or ________ to be love by me.
i dont wish for love in return,
that's too much to ask for...
all i expected in just a close friendship
which is significantly important to both parties
that's placed deep at the bottom of the heart.
a typical cancerian
wish to be constantly feel
loved, appreciated, needed, cared for etc
from the chosen one at the period of time.
because is for the chosen one,
it's ok for them not to feel all these and yet still be treated nicely by
but it will be rather miserable for that cancerian.
sometimes, i wonder,
is this called falling in love?
sometimes, i wonder,
do i just enjoy being in this game?
----
i have the tendency of stop contacting
those i stopped liking
for that, i fear one day..
this might happen again.
which i seriously, extremely do not wish to
for this time round.
and because i treasured it so much...
the more fear it's accumulating within me.
im very sorry if a day
i said weird things
ask weird questions
behave weirdly
it's the fear that crippled me.
so please, forgive me.
i want to be honest with my feelings
disregard if it turns you off or it will make you keep away from me.
"i like u so much...from then till now..., the feeling never changed. it get deeper so does the fear get stronger."
how contradicting, when my fear firstly was because of keeping u, now become fear of losing u.
i know this feeling will goes as time pass..
it's just a temporary thing.
but i just want to seize the moment and do things within my means to repay my feelings.
because i know this is once in a lifetime thing, i dont wish to regret at the end of the day for things i could have done but did not. i rather regret for things i had done for at least i done it and if i got shut off too badly, i resign to fate.
at the very least, im honest to myself.
i believed im not forcing anything on you, i just decide the degree of nice i want to provide.
that is why i text you before regarding of my degree of nice etc... and i also fear that my nice bothers you or even make you guilty to be nice to me. the latter will be the last i want it to happen.
after you read this, i thought you might be thinking that this person is mad.
she's like so obsess in you, like you so much. scary, better keep away from her.
since i decided to pen this down, i have got all the mental preparation.
if i dont break this barrier, i guess i will have hard time toning my emotions.
if we are still friends after this, good. it had gotten up another level where i guess, i will feel much more stable and normal. it's just like lifting the stone from the heart and untie the knot in the heart.
this had to be written and perhaps be read.
and like what i used to say
"when u have it, there's pain
when u dont have it, there's no pain"Labels: ^roro, momentous