acting stupid doesnt mean i am
acting silly doesnt mean i am
what i seems to be
doesnt justify what i am.
dont say doesnt mean i dont know
dont react doesnt mean i dont feel
now a days no people play it hard.
people use mind games, tactical words and strategic moves.
im weak on words therefore my game plan is to have psychology games and strategic moves.
im more into psychology games.
if everything is used wisely and accurately,
you will be able to manipulate a person at your own will.
you can make the whole world trust you yet you know you dont trust them at all.
they can be those that, when they are of no usage anymore, they can be discard as and when they like.
for me, it never gets tiring at all.
i like the challenge of getting a person who is hard to get along with
to actually get along with me and feel comfortable totally.
i want to make everyone (that i dislike) to actually feel comfortable with me and place their trust on me.
i want to assure myself that i have the ability to make people feel comfortable to the degree i want it to.
the harder the challenge is, the more satisfaction i have.
it might sound psychotic to some.
i enjoy appearing dumb, silly, crazy, nonsense, immature, playful, cant be bother etc etc..
people have less guard on people like this.
people round them up as, childish, still young, not serious etc etc
people have less responsibilities for me also.
im someone who doesnt like responsibilities since young.
i'll shun away as much as i can.
i dont like the trouble, dont like the problems and even dont like the stress.
but that doesnt mean i cant handle.
sometimes circumstances forced out the other potentials of you.
but the bottomline will still be :-
i will only unveil my real self when i needed to.
otherwise, i'll still be silly, nonsense, carefree, playful me.
actually there's alot of hidden power within me that i've yet to discover.
i realised i always do things not at my maximum power.
i am a fast learner but i always appear to be rather slow.
perhaps due to laziness.
my guitar learnt half way and im getting lazy. =/
i am an efficient and effective worker if i want to.
the degree of output at work already tell me that i am not fully utilising myself.
if i am more focus
if i am more concentrated
if i am more driven
if i am more energized
1300~ will not just be my max commission that i will be getting.
perhaps that's only my 30-40%.
sigh but i get lazy every now and then.
this job is getting a little boring at times.
my focus span is short or im too lazy to focus for too long.
i get distracted very easily but when im focus, i really am, extremely.
it just a matter of getting the momentum but it breaks so often here. gosh.
i used to be a sharp-edged person.
straightforward, blunt, immediate etc...
now i've become a rounder..
dont have the idea whether is it good or bad
but i felt i have changed alot.
apart from heart matters,
i no longer that type of impulsive, daring, decisive person to a point that my teacher ever said :" she reacts to whatever said or does to her "
wonder is this a lope side or...?
im no longer so chatty that was being called a chatterbox.
i have quiet down alot.
till some point of time that i thought i am being a mute. -_-"
used to be a happy-go-lucky person
how about now?
i have no idea.
even the china chinese teacher who taught me for a short while
commented that i have quiet down.Labels: awakening, ramblings