我的心情起伏 - 内心世界

*Sunday, August 22, 2010

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

LESSONS FROM THE GEESE

By Robert McNeish, former Assoc. Superintendent of Baltimore Public Schools, 1972

We live in an area where geese are very common. We see them coming in the Fall and leaving in early Spring. Their migration is an awesome sight.

There is interdependence in the way geese function.

FACT: As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an "up lift" for the bird following. By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.

LESSON: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

FACT: Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to fly alone, it quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the "lifting power" of the bird immediately in front.

LESSON: If we have a much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed where we want to go.

FACT: When a goose gets tired, it rotates back into formation and another goose flies at the point position.

LESSON: It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership. People, as with geese, are interdependent with each other.

FACT: The geese in formation honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

LESSON: We need to make sure our "honking" from behind is encouraging, not criticism or something less helpful.

FACT: When a goose gets sick or wounded or shot down, two geese drop out of formation to follow him down to help and protect him. They stay with him until he is either able to fly again or dies. They then launch out again and join another formation or catch up with their flock.

LESSON: If we have as much sense as the geese, we will stand by each other.

Labels: inspirative

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 1:19 AM. 0 comments

*Friday, August 20, 2010

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

Article to share : Relationships

This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here...Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship ...

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked theiridiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have toDO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression.It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happenedTO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse'sidiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you willnotice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on theeuphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVERjust happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.'Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationshipWILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make'love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.Remember always this:

'God determines who walks into your life.It is up to you to decide who you let to walk away,who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.

Labels: inspirative

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 1:17 AM. 0 comments

*Thursday, June 10, 2010

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

sociophobic

i still find that no point being nice
i still find that i have predjudice against certain kind of people
i still find that im not good enough even how much i have done
i still find that i still stick very strong to my beliefs
i still find that....

im not a good person.

NO GOOD!

selfish, demanding, stubborn, bias, irrational, emotional, inconsiderate, evil.... n more
i just not what i appear to be.

devil and angel is differentiate by just a thin line.

im so in the grey section. sigh.

the moment i can start having meals on my own is the moment i wont have any more unnecessary ppl in my life anymore....

im starting to have human phobia...

Labels: ramblings

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 1:04 AM. 0 comments

*Monday, May 24, 2010

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

things happen for a reason
people are there for a lesson.

from her i see my good
from him i see my faults.

here is my learning ground.
but after all the lessons

it will be time
to move on.

i want my property license
i want my insurance license
i want my big big money
- at my own pace -

but before i get all those
i got to learn all the techniques
the techniques to survive and prosper.

i will have a life, i call the shots
i will have a life, i have the control
i will have a life, the way i want it.

first thing first,
hello, where my driving license and my car?

Labels: awakening, ramblings

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 1:03 AM. 0 comments

*Tuesday, May 18, 2010

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

uniquely special.

for someone who doesnt like doing sales and told herself that she will never get into sales job ever in her life.
by chance she came here
by choice she stayed on
by destiny that she met you.
in a way, her friend brought her in and gave that chance.
the chance to meet you, the chance to let you change her life.
how someone could impact that much in a person, it's fate.
fated that they met, fated that things going to change.

in by mistake,
stayed by decision.

the thought of having a friend to work together made her came fore to this supposedly avoided job.
1 month later, friend left.
she thought that her boss was nice.
she thought that she felt unknown comfort here.
she thought that they are short-handed and not as if she cant work.
so she decided to stay to help her nice boss.

(she's one who usually friend left, will have the urge to leave together because she felt uncomfortable. however, she, unknowingly found some special comfort here and she's glad she found.)

she understand how depressing it is when people comes and go
she understand how it feels to stand alone fighting
she understand how one need support in tough times
so she cant bear to leave her boss in lurch, she stayed.

time goes by,
path is shown that her decision was right.
she gained a nice boss, a nice friend that she knows she will remember and cherish for life.

days are wonderful, sweet and memorable.
she admires her, adore her, respect her, look up to her.
she wants to provide more than just what a colleague does.
A friend.
she knows she will be hurt, knowing and unknowingly.
given the different character each had.
however, in order to let this unique friend went pass just like that,
she go against the odds to avoid any regrets in future.

(she, never wants to leave her life with regrets which up till now, hasnt got any, what more this time)

true enough,
she got hurt every now and then due to her sensitiveness.
she cried every now and then due to other's insensitiveness.
she knew she had to go through this because she chose it.
she had no one to blame.

she doesnt like other's to really know what she's feeling.
she wants to show others the way other wish to see
she wants to speak the way other wish to hear.
she always feel that other's happiness is more important than hers
especially of people she deem importance.

she can cry like a baby like nobody's business
the next moment she can be as nice as though nothing had happen.
just for the fear of losing what's important the moment she shown her trueself.

she knows that moment of anger can cause moment of folly.
therefore she always project the good and swallow the bad.

slowly,
the comfort she was depending on, moved on.
she was devastated.
she thought, what was the point of staying anymore?
she lost what was important to her sight.

time proven, surprisingly,
what was important to sight,
was important to mind as well.

she continued to work hard.
she knew her comfort was just nearby,
as long as she worked hard
comfort is within reach.
most important is, as long as she is here, her comfort will come back.

Lord grant wishes for people who want it bad enough.
it almost felt as though miracles do exist.
from a distance till comfort within reach.
even though it's not exactly of reach but Lord is kind.
she thought to herself, she should be contented.
Lord though did not grant the way she wants it to but He tried his best.

no one see the shine she had on her face.
no one see how overjoyed she was
no one see how grateful she felt
when she persevered and she was given what she wanted.

she was glad she still can be nice to her friend.
she was glad she still can be there for her friend.
she was glad she still lingers around her friend.
she was... still is... very very glad and appreciative.

(she is a very clingy friend. she wants to stick to with her friend and she doesnt just stick to anyone except someone close to heart.)

so clingy,
she was afraid that her friend will be annoyed.
she was afraid that her friend will not be happy.
she was afraid that her friend will find her irritating/pestering.

sensitive, uncertainty, worries, fears
at times she had so much of those,
she never do what she wanted to
she never say what she wanted to
just afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

foundation isnt build from stretch,
she had her fears and worries.
she hate rejections as well.
it crippled her. it builds a wall for her to not move forward.
so she, rather not do, not say a single thing.
and because it hurts to get rejections in not the way she could take it.

she treasures those safe keep friendship she build.
she wants to feel something from her friends.
she wants a place in their heart, not just lingering outside.
she matters quality way more than quantity.

days as per normal.
she continued to work hard,
to stay within this compound.
to continue to have her comfort,
have her friend.

however, she did wonder.
if her friend is no longer within this compound,
what will she do.
does she still have a purpose to stay here?
does it still matters if she stay here?
is it still important to her anymore?

to see the sight of her friend leaving,
she thought...
might as well she leave first.
perhaps it will be less heartwrenching.
because... she knows she wont be able to take it... and to continue to work as per normal.

she is very thankful because of her friend, she found this kind of unexplainable comfort.
this kind of satisfactions at work, she never thought she would have.
just because of one person, it brings her to another kind of heaven, to a staircase of hopes and dream fulfiling moments.

her friend might not know what exactly she had done to her.
but whatever she had done cant be seen, it got to be felt and understand.
that is why, she is an angel to her. she can be seen as a light of hope in her life.

she believe, when the time her friend leave her side, it's when she has to be or already trained to be independent. things happen for a reason and she always believe whoever she is close with or she likes, have a purpose or responsiblity to guide her in her life. some are just passby advisers, some are lifetime advisers. which do you wish to be?

friends are your teacher in life.
knowing her friend, builds her character, builds her mind, her heart.
that is why no matter what happens, she will be there for her.
no matter what happens.....

she gains a teacher, motivator, friend.
her friend gains a true blue loyal friend.

Labels: ^roro, momentous

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 1:02 AM. 0 comments

*Sunday, May 02, 2010

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

i dreamt of u

2/5 morning.

i saw you and i didnt bother and walk past.
me and another friend went around walking and i saw you and yr TMs went into a restaurant but i think you guys didnt quite like it and walked out shortly.
however, the moment i saw u, i turned and walk away quickly.
walked... there's a door infront and i pulled it, got a shock, you are just behind it.
you said Hi but i was so shy and just smiled.
suddenly out of nowhere, you gave me a paper bag and you said its for me.. and you left shortly.
opened it up, it was a baby-liked tatty bear. it's very cute though.
afterwhich i woke up.

the moment when i woke up, i didnt felt happy over the present.
instead i felt that tinge of sour-ness.
it came right after i saw you guys walking in, into the restaurant.

it didnt feel good at all this time round.
my dreams of you usually turn into a sweet n pleasant one.
not this time round. hmph!
sour sour. still sour. roars!!!! it's stupid to feel this way, BUT ITS STILL SOUR!

Labels: ^roro, dreams, momentous

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 1:00 AM. 0 comments

*Saturday, December 26, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

its me..

who knows the sorrow behind that smile
who knows the sadness behind that laughter

it got alot more unbearable when distance played a part.

how can i say out truthfully what im feeling
when i know it will be a joke to others
and i might just be deem crazy, insane to them.
who really knows what im feeling deep down?

it hurts so badly every night
how i wish, how i wish...
this always come to my mind.

it's all about me
acting weirdly
feeling strangely
behaving abnormally
my emotions are getting the better of me.

it's so much...that i can hardly comprehend.

-----

bet i dont even know what i am feeling.
i have a need to love someone
that is a fact.
i seriously dont know if the chosen one
is considered lucky or otherwise.
it can be quite tiring or ________ to be love by me.

i dont wish for love in return,
that's too much to ask for...
all i expected in just a close friendship
which is significantly important to both parties
that's placed deep at the bottom of the heart.

a typical cancerian
wish to be constantly feel
loved, appreciated, needed, cared for etc
from the chosen one at the period of time.
because is for the chosen one,
it's ok for them not to feel all these and yet still be treated nicely by
but it will be rather miserable for that cancerian.

sometimes, i wonder,
is this called falling in love?
sometimes, i wonder,
do i just enjoy being in this game?

----

i have the tendency of stop contacting
those i stopped liking
for that, i fear one day..
this might happen again.
which i seriously, extremely do not wish to
for this time round.
and because i treasured it so much...
the more fear it's accumulating within me.

im very sorry if a day
i said weird things
ask weird questions
behave weirdly
it's the fear that crippled me.
so please, forgive me.

i want to be honest with my feelings
disregard if it turns you off or it will make you keep away from me.
"i like u so much...from then till now..., the feeling never changed. it get deeper so does the fear get stronger."
how contradicting, when my fear firstly was because of keeping u, now become fear of losing u.
i know this feeling will goes as time pass..
it's just a temporary thing.
but i just want to seize the moment and do things within my means to repay my feelings.
because i know this is once in a lifetime thing, i dont wish to regret at the end of the day for things i could have done but did not. i rather regret for things i had done for at least i done it and if i got shut off too badly, i resign to fate.
at the very least, im honest to myself.
i believed im not forcing anything on you, i just decide the degree of nice i want to provide.
that is why i text you before regarding of my degree of nice etc... and i also fear that my nice bothers you or even make you guilty to be nice to me. the latter will be the last i want it to happen.

after you read this, i thought you might be thinking that this person is mad.
she's like so obsess in you, like you so much. scary, better keep away from her.
since i decided to pen this down, i have got all the mental preparation.
if i dont break this barrier, i guess i will have hard time toning my emotions.
if we are still friends after this, good. it had gotten up another level where i guess, i will feel much more stable and normal. it's just like lifting the stone from the heart and untie the knot in the heart.
this had to be written and perhaps be read.

and like what i used to say
"when u have it, there's pain
when u dont have it, there's no pain"

Labels: ^roro, momentous

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:57 AM. 0 comments

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

如此的。。。。。。。。喜欢

在这雨季的天气里
我的情感，思绪是如此的容易被动摇

我回想当初，我为何会掉入这段匪夷所思的情网里。
直到如今一切已无法回头，情感也无发自拔了。

是我的错吗？
是我把情感的位子放错了吗？
还是我的观点也出了问题？

一切一切微妙的虚幻
一个如此完美的梦幻
使我只能坐在一旁轻叹。

为何我会如此的喜欢她？
我有病吗？
可能真的有神经病！

一场梦
一场我不想了断的梦
但梦终究是会醒的啊！

我就是如此的喜欢你啊
我还能这样吗
为何你要如此的令人喜欢呢
咳！

Labels: ^roro, momentous

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:46 AM. 0 comments

*Sunday, December 20, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

where art thou

when out of sight, doesnt out of mind
but out of reach, might end up out of life.

it happened to alot of ppl that came into my life
i wont wish u to be one of them.
might not happen, anyone might say
but i fear......
im trying to sustain that comfort for i fear it disappear.

i do have couple of fears within me
even though i dont appear to be.

some are problem sharer
some are comforter
for you are one that provides comfort
which i keep it dear

i like the fact that your presence
make me feel bit more happier than others.
that is also the reason why
i crave for it.
yet
when i needed most
i cant get it
i turn grumpy.

many a times
i think fate is playing with me
i always ask when i needed it
but have never gotten it.

some things are just meant to be like this.

its a truth that i needed that company, badly.
but its ok, i guess i will get over it.

i do seriously feel deeply glad and loved
if my close friends suggest a meet up for coffee
or even a lunch/dinner together for a short while.

that is why, "who ask" (towards the same question) matters to me.
it just a affirmation that my presence is needed, makes a difference.

im a easily contented person.
i need not things to be grand
it's the little actions that
touches the heart
comfort the soul
and
energise the mind.
that's what really matters to me.

like others say
'it's the company that make the difference, it's the effort that walk the miles"

to be frank,
since then i've been hoping for just one question...
"come over for lunch at tpy today?"
but it never happen. never.
some times i was wondering, i dont even mind the trouble
yet cant u even ask? or u dont even bother?

i've said before..
it's ok i do the asking
but times and again i scare i pestered u by asking often.
so i refrain myself from asking
though if can i could like ask everyday.
but dont know why, everytime i ask is at the wrong timing.

that's ok too, i know u busy
but then again,
why does it always end at the reason, why u cant
and no continuation of rescheduling?
it does feel that my request means nothing to u.
u shld know i know u busy, so i wont ask as and when i feel like it.

u know, it's the need to have that company
that i will do silly things.
i'll do anything to get my comfort.
remember "trying my luck?"
doesnt it occur to u why i did that?
just because u are so hardly reachable?
u might think its stupid etc etc..
i must be crazy mad or wad...
wasting my time bla bla bla...
i had been rejected so many times that
i thought i will do my own way to get my comfort.

just a little comfort, it's so out of reach..
last time i cried to others, u said why dont approach u..
now i trying to get a little comfort..
ask for simple presence also cannot get..
even to the extend, i go and grab my comfort than it is provided to me.

it sounds really pathetic..
im not complaining, its just a thought and feelings.
now i think i understand what u told me about yr friends commented.
"u are there but u arent really there"
i thought i might be able to twist the ending a little...
seems like it's still the same...

keeping friends cant just play with words
physical presence plays a part too.

is it me? or it's just you.

and i guess u broke my tolerance of rejection records.
i am one who fear rejections and avoids confrontations.

19.12.2009 12.25pm
i woke up and i realised something,
so far, our meeting for lunches was because i had something to pass u
and thus i insisted abit to meet u.
which most chances, my wish will be granted.

it does make me wonder,
why had it unknowningly come to such extend...
is it that i had to pass u stuffs before i can meet u?

for lamby i can understand why i could hardly(guess i havent seen her for more than a yr?) see her.
her workplace is far from me.
her home is far from me too.
at the very least, she initiated a coffee session at orchard someday soon.
though i know she very lazy for meet ups
but i guess its the thoughts that counts?
and at the end of the day, i know we will have that coffee.

but u know, u're at TPY! only... not even like so far!
and i even volunteer to go down, just if u wld ask.
but u wont, never ask...
i keep asking, get rejected to a point i asked myself
:why are u so cheap, people not even wanting to meet u, why still ask, why still bother. she doesnt bother to initate and dont even bother rescheduling after rejecting. so what u want now.
so this is like... even i put in effort, do extra...

some things are just meant to be like this.

u know, i still hoping to go soup spoon with u!
u know, i treasure my close friends so much
that no meet ups are too much for me.
even to the extent that the meet ups is just because my friend wanted to buy some stuffs and want me to accompany her, i will be glad to do so.
i am a happy-tag-along buddy.

i understand the need for a person to have a friend u can hold on 24/7.
be able to find that person as and when u like
be able to call/text the person whenever u are down
just be there whenever a person needs.
that is when, whenever i offer myself (because i know im able to do all these)
i expected the person to appreciate, to treasure, to "use" me actively.
otherwise it defeat the purpose of my presence.

end of the day, u make me feel that im not a friend at all.
i do what a friend can do or even more
but i dont get what a friend can get.
so... do u actually still wants me?

have u put yrself in my shoe and feel what im feeling if it was u?
believe me, my heart can die because of these.
it's just a matter of time.
im trying hard not to have it happen.
but it takes two hands to clap.

the end day scenario will be
we only connect thru sms, maybe on off calling.
soon, we both get tired of smsing and we stop.
that's it.
coz we dont hang out, we dont meet ups.
it's just a matter of time....

do u....
actually still wants me?

or am i expecting too much??

Labels: ^roro, momentous

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:45 AM. 0 comments

*Friday, December 18, 2009

-+SeLecTiVe BeHaViOuR

differences

some times its not about what im willing to do
(my effort is nv less if i want to)
but about what the other end willing to do.

i could have done so much so much....
but if the opposite end isnt responding or helping
no matter how much i have done, it's still pointless...

and it just make me feel......
freaking upset... and left feeling... unappreciated, insignificant.

Labels: ^roro, momentous

by teddi^.^ sealed off @ 12:41 AM. 0 comments